"I Can't Say that I Know You"

composed 2.4.18

I can’t say that I know you
Because I can barely pronounce your name
And all the complex emotions that come along with it.
Though I’ve felt you before,
I can’t say that I know you.

I can’t say that I know you.
Each time you are different-
Reinvented, renewed,
But not refreshed.
I can’t say that I know you.

I can’t say that I know you.
You arrive at the climax of my distress.
I don’t trust you;
I don’t look at you;
I can’t say that I know you.

You are the one that grabs me by the hands,
Rattles my rickety brain,
Gives the commands-
I am helpless
You are my alien skin.
My suit.
Or am I yours?

And I can’t say I’m ever happy when you’re around
Because I don’t know happiness I can’t feel,
Only seen in my reflection,
Can’t even tell if it's real.
You can try and force me to fake it
And I’ll fake it so much even I can’t tell the difference.

We’re rolling now.

All of your laughter
And all of your joy
Belong with your travel kit
Full of pranks and of ploys.

No I can’t say I believe
when you are around;
Can’t even say I notice
The sounds you make
When my life is at stake;
You’re my stalker
My pod person
My horse of Troy.

Packaged in grandeur
Massive and strong
I’ve mistook you for elegance-
Didn’t know you carried the demon’s song.

Tricked them even more
Than you had tricked me;
And I will never be
The person that they do see
When you arrive
It isn’t me
They see,
No, when you arrive
It isn’t me
They see.

Sure, my eyes are open wide
But my mind,
My mind plays its role so fine
That I don’t even notice
The impostor my self has become.
It feels so good
Feels so fun
Talking like I know it all
Thinking that I’m known by all.
Can’t you see I’m now cured, after all.

Oh, yea. We’re rolling.

You, with your alien skin, have impounded my brain.
I know it, and yet,
I don’t know it
all the same.

So craftily and delicately has the pod person slithered in…
Soon, I’ve forgotten any war I need to win.

And so, the one that I don’t know takes over
And the one I was before retreats
Back into the deep dark silence
Where nothing is easy, nor peaceful, nor neat.
The one I don’t know steals the "bloody" show

And the one I do slinks away so quietly
That soon neither I or it can tell it from me.

We're rolling away now.
Rolling away from me.

​So I can't say that I know you.