I'm No Drug Addict.  Am I?


December 5, 2015, 11:52 pm

I know what's coming and I'm ready for it. I'm not going to like it, but I know there is nothing I can do about it. I'm ready to feel like a drug addict in withdrawal. To experience chills that won't stop. For my body and head to ache, and for my mind to feel utter nausea, whether I'm riding shotgun in a car, sitting on the couch, or walking around. I'm gonna feel like the room won't stop spinning and I won't stop feeling the need to throw up, but of course, I won't be let off the hook that easy. My body won't let me puke no matter how much my mind and the gag reflex I will acquire think I need to.  

Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna feel like I need my fix. As soon as I rise from bed.

No..I don't have the flu and I'm not talking about coming down from a high or being on the road to recovery from drug addiction. Don't worry. I'm no drug addict. (Though at times it feels like I am.) I've only been taking these pills since I was 17. I'm sure my body's fine from all the chemicals! Would you like to see my liver or my kidneys?  

All sarcasm aside, I'm talking about the absence of one little pill. Because the pharmacy was closed tonight, I will not be able to take this one little pill. And I will pay for it in the morning. I will feel nauseous. I will have the chills. I will feel like my head won't stop spinning or hurting. My body will ache and there won't be much I can do to stop this from happening. I will be the girl at her desk at work tomorrow, head in her hands, wishing to God the boat she swears she's on will stop rocking and that her body will no longer shiver and ache. Did I mention my desk is pretty much the first thing residents and customers see when they walk through the door? Let's wish for no tours tomorrow, shall we?

After 14 years of prescribed pill-popping, my body has grown so used to these drugs that it only takes a short amount of time for my body to react when I do not take them. Or at least one of them. I take a medley of pills. And I say "medley" with distaste. There's nothing harmonic about it. Ok, wait there is. The harmony is in the way these pills work together to keep me..together? Wow. One part of me resented me for saying that. Pills to put me together?..well, that's a whole other story, and we'll leave it at that, for now.

Unfortunately, the pill, (or I should say absence of), that causes me to feel like a recovering heroin addict in withdrawal, is the one I do not have tonight. I could pay $31 at another pharmacy to get ONE pill if I wanted to, but I'm that cheap. I will not pay it. I already paid $30 for the whole bottle but they only had a partial refill ready for me the last time I picked my meds up. Instead, I will suffer the consequences of going to a pharmacy that closes at 6 pm on a day you work till 6 pm. I only procrastinated because I forgot today was Saturday and they close early. Smh. That's my fault. But even though I told the pharmacist at another Walgreens that I suffer from major withdrawal symptoms if I don't take the medication, he didn't care. Pay up or shut up. Pretty much.  

Ugh. I dread tomorrow. Pretty much.
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